2013-01-15 - Should I Stay or Should I Go?
About four years ago, I was working at an office, doing heavy filing. There were large amounts of paperwork, in this case about patients, which were stored for current use and then the files are inactive. I had some issues with my hands that forced me to leave the job. I enjoyed the time with many of my co-workers, as we had gotten to know each other a bit as I was first a volunteer there. I noticed after beginning the paid job that some things began to change, however. This probably isnt uncommon in many job scenarios. I also enjoyed the purpose of the work, which was overall to help people. I carried that idea into the paid position, yet the intricacies of switching from volunteer to paid position gradually left me feeling as though it were no longer enjoyable to be part of the process anymore. And the physical limitations increasing for me was the final straw in me deciding God must have another plan in mind. The decision had been a year in the making.
It took a year for a couple of reasons. First, I dont like to make decisions based on emotions. It seemed best to allow some time to determine how much was emotion evoked from office drama and how much were actual issues that I needed to acknowledge. Secondly, I am fiercely loyal, and when I commit to something I see it through. The fact is we often dont feel like doing things and so when it gets tough its not okay to just give up. Yet also, there is the fact that after having given it some time, I realized that the job I was trying to do was changing the core of who I am. I would leave most days, feeling like an angry and sad person. When youre basically positive natured and lighthearted, something needs to change. Therefore it was not okay and I needed to move on.
We are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. (Psalm 139: 13-15 NIV). He made each of us distinctly and specifically for his purpose. (Romans 8:28). And so it goes with that in mind, after having tried to work through many issues, it occurred to me that if I was not able to be who I was made to be within those circumstances, that maybe the purpose of my having been there had passed. And that has always been a challenge for me coming to that sort of realization. Its not giving up to move toward what God has planned for us to do next. It can be tough to know, at times, when that moment has arrived yet we need to be open to His will first. Sometimes we can get so stuck in a good cause, a meaningful work, a place of contentment and we dont realize our time there is up. I fully realized it when I physically could not do the job anymore and ended up having to have surgery. God knows sometimes it takes drastic measures to move me, and so He did.
How about you? Is it your desire to have God move you or have Him move you out of the way for His glory? I am grateful for His patience and mercy while He molds me. With this and other scenarios I have faced, the Psalms (in particular the 57th one) have been a great source of comfort. He is always faithful.
Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast. (Psalm 57:1)